In Its Grip

I am currently taking a week off from work, hence posting at night rather than in the daytime. It feels very luxurious, in much the same way that waking up this morning naturally (without any alarm or need or anxiety!) felt extremely luxurious. As always, I have managed to be quite fantastically lazy. Although I must say that I really, properly needed to be. I hurt with tiredness on Saturday and felt that the play was going to break me. Last night, one of our nights off in the run, I had a rehearsal for The Overcoat, which is something I'm doing separately from the Bench, and I could barely stand for the length of it. I was grateful for the distraction provided by Steve and Meatball who were being tarts. Steve joined in with perfect comic timing - a meow response to a question, which creased up the company for a few moments. They are the world's best cats.

The play is going well. I'm currently feeling rather torn by it. Normally I wish a run could just carry on, but this is one of the first plays that I've done where I've almost needed it to end when it ends. I feel both sad and relieved after each performance. And that's probably how I will feel on the last night. I love doing it but I really don't know how good it is for me. I've really been living both in and as my character and it will be a wrench to say goodbye to that. I think Toyboy will be relieved. He loves acting as I do but has never lost himself in a play or character as much as I have in this so I think he has a bemused/jealous/wistful thing going on, particularly when his girlfriend starts acting in a rather schizophrenic fashion. When he saw it for the first time, he was surprised by how many lines he already knew - mainly because I'd been quoting it for months without realising. I stopped myself when we were talking last night because I smiled like Anna, which I have a feeling is going to be the case for a while.

I got a good review, which stunned me rather. I'm quite used to being forgotten in our local paper, so it was rather a shock to be reviewed in such a glowing fashion, although I always feel that he can't compliment one cast member without detracting from the achievements of the others. When it's a real group effort, which this is, we are working so hard together, it feels like a shame that any one of us is singled out, so much as I appreciated the praise there was a downside. And also, the pressure is immense. The second night was terrifying as I suddenly realised that I had to live up to expectations. The other reviews that we've had have been more evenhanded, which is a relief. My performance is one that I'm really proud of but it's grown out of responses and feelings and ideas that all come out of what everyone else has put in.

Right, I'm off to bed. We had a good audience tonight. There were quite a few of Beanie's students, which made things quite entertaining. Every time he swore there was little titter, bless them. I missed Ems, which was gutting as I really wanted to see her afterwards, mainly to get praise but also because I knew how much she loves the play and wanted her honest opinion. Which I'm looking forward to from Mrs Drunken Accomplice on Thursday as well. But right now I'm knackered so bed it is, although I have a heap of gunk to remove first! Ugh, makeup and heels, two things I'll be glad to see the back of, if nothing else.