Although I say that, I had a remarkable lack of focus last night at rehearsal. I was doing really well, no giggling, no nothing, not even on the line that cracked me up last time we did the scene. Then, as I was doing some intense, lovelorn staring at McBride, I saw Beanie jump up in the corner of my eye as if suddenly remembering that he needed to be on and that was me done for about ten minutes. After trying to run it several times, we finally got through to the end of the scene, with me making strange wheezy, hysterical noises and trying not to cry with laughter. Then, as quickly as it had arrived, the corpsing stopped and I was on dry land again. It is such an odd phenomenon and hugely frustrating because, a lot of the time, the trigger is something not even faintly amusing and I don't even know why I keep laughing, but laugh I do and can't carry on sensibly until it's run its course. The worst one is still Dead Funny when we had our first custard pie rehearsal. I saw Big Blue get hit square on in the face with one, carried on for a bit and then just had to sit down and howl for a good five minutes. To be fair, though, with that one, seeing someone get hit with a custard pie is genuinely funny. As was smacking eggs on McBride's head in The Cripple of Inishmaan. Every so often I wish there were more instances when cracking eggs on someone is an acceptable thing to do. It's extremely satisfying.
I must admit that I do still want to find something to blame. Tiredness is always a good one as I am prone to hysteria when weary, and I do feel more than a little weary. I'll blame that.
But anyway, apart from the hysterics, it was a positive rehearsal last night. I am starting to feel that Anna is coming together. I've found my link with her; sarcasm as a defence mechanism. It's quite interesting because I've been consciously trying to stop myself from being overly derisive and sarcastic when on edge in recent years. It caused a lot of grief with the ex and it also made me feel extremely guilty when I'd lash out too quickly. Although it is still a weapon in my arsenal, I try not to let it be my first response. So, as Anna, I've got this immediate resource to draw on, in terms of lightning strike sarcasm and the insecurity that lives beneath it. It does imply a mere shell of confidence and I like that we have that in common. It makes her feel more like me and less like someone I'm intimidated by.
My Mum and Dad gave me some ideas to think about, which I have yet to implement. I tried yesterday but it didn't quite work so that's one to play about with a little bit more. I was quite amused that their consensus was that I am generally less good at playing normal people. I think my secret has to always be that, when tackling people who are normal, I have to drag them down to my level. Find their inner weirdo.
Now, if I could just conquer that giggling thing...
Friday, March 13, 2009
Friday, March 06, 2009
Tomorrow, or maybe Friday...
So, I had originally intended to post on Monday about this whole play thing as I've been pitched headfirst, overbalancing slightly, into rehearsals for Closer as of Sunday. We'd had a couple of preliminary meetings; a readthrough and a long discussion on characterisation, using personality tests as the main focus, which was new and different, but Sunday was our first standing-up-moving-around-doing-talking type rehearsal. I had been struggling with the character and the play since being cast. I feel a little intimidated by the character, she feels a bit like the cool girls in school to me. Effortlessly well-groomed, sardonic, completely comfortable with themselves and their attractiveness, intelligent and flirtatious. Next to them I always felt a bit like an idiotic and clumsy child, as I struggled to understand boys, do anything with my hair or have any conversation outside of my immediate, similarly insecure and socially inept, group of friends. So to be playing the character feels strangely presumptuous. Like I'm trying to be someone I'm not. Which is a funny way to feel, given that is what a lot of this acting malarkey is, in essence . However, I'm perfectly content to be an Irish egg-throwing bitch, or a sad and broody victim of infidelity or even Charlotte Bronte. I'm not saying I found those easy but I could really relate to them; they were all a bit on the edge, all misfits in their own special way. Anna is almost terrifyingly normal. And it seems like a very silly thing to say, but I'm not sure how good I am at being normal.
My insecurities about the character are really bleeding into rehearsal, so I spent all of Sunday's rehearsal feeling, and probably looking, like a skittish colt. Suffice to say, terrified is not really how I see Anna. On Tuesday's rehearsal, I was less obviously nervy but I'm so thrown by the intensity of the part and the play that I kept corpsing. I had to keep apologising and didn't know how to explain that it was nerves not concentration that was the problem. And everyone else seems to find it all so easy in comparison. On the plus side, I'm kind of getting there in my head so I think I should get better at each rehearsal. For a start, this has given me the drive I needed to just get on and workout/stop eating crap. Knowing that people are going to come and see me in a play where I'm described as "beautiful" and "bloody gorgeous" is quite a good reason for me to do something about my appearance, or at least the way that I feel about my appearance. I've been trying to move differently when walking and I take more stock of my surroundings, including the people I pass, and ideas or reactions from them. I've managed to learn my lines for most of the scenes that I've already done, which is something I don't normally do so early on, but the rhythms and patterns of the language are such that it just goes in and stays there. I've been trying to think of people who remind me of Anna so that I've got a hook to start with in terms of voice and movement. I'm getting there, I just hope that the nerves die down so I can get on with it. I've got this image in my head of what I want to project. But I found a nice Mamet quote about acting while looking for something else. I do agree with him, and it is something I try to do - not to do too much but to find a way to be as honest as possible so that the audience can feel what I'm feeling:
It's not the actor's job to embellish the play, but to do something more worthwhile and difficult: to resist embellishing it. It's when one resists the impulse to help that the truth emerges. The great actors I've seen in movies or on stage are capable of being quite still, and letting their uncertainty, fear and conficting desires emerge rather than trying to cover them up with their ideas.
My insecurities about the character are really bleeding into rehearsal, so I spent all of Sunday's rehearsal feeling, and probably looking, like a skittish colt. Suffice to say, terrified is not really how I see Anna. On Tuesday's rehearsal, I was less obviously nervy but I'm so thrown by the intensity of the part and the play that I kept corpsing. I had to keep apologising and didn't know how to explain that it was nerves not concentration that was the problem. And everyone else seems to find it all so easy in comparison. On the plus side, I'm kind of getting there in my head so I think I should get better at each rehearsal. For a start, this has given me the drive I needed to just get on and workout/stop eating crap. Knowing that people are going to come and see me in a play where I'm described as "beautiful" and "bloody gorgeous" is quite a good reason for me to do something about my appearance, or at least the way that I feel about my appearance. I've been trying to move differently when walking and I take more stock of my surroundings, including the people I pass, and ideas or reactions from them. I've managed to learn my lines for most of the scenes that I've already done, which is something I don't normally do so early on, but the rhythms and patterns of the language are such that it just goes in and stays there. I've been trying to think of people who remind me of Anna so that I've got a hook to start with in terms of voice and movement. I'm getting there, I just hope that the nerves die down so I can get on with it. I've got this image in my head of what I want to project. But I found a nice Mamet quote about acting while looking for something else. I do agree with him, and it is something I try to do - not to do too much but to find a way to be as honest as possible so that the audience can feel what I'm feeling:
It's not the actor's job to embellish the play, but to do something more worthwhile and difficult: to resist embellishing it. It's when one resists the impulse to help that the truth emerges. The great actors I've seen in movies or on stage are capable of being quite still, and letting their uncertainty, fear and conficting desires emerge rather than trying to cover them up with their ideas.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Back in Business
I'm back at work after a very odd week off when I had a cold. I'd feel guilty about taking time off on Thursday and Friday, and then spend an hour coughing up mucus, which made me feel less guilty as I wouldn't have really wanted to do that at work. But I felt switched off for the whole week. I finally felt better on Saturday and it was as though I got switched on again and all the stuff that I'd forgotten to do came flooding back. Never a fun experience. Now, first day back, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and my hormones have ganged up on me. You'll be glad to know that I have just deleted a lengthy paranthesis debating the use of the word "ganged"; you dodged a bullet there, gentle reader, mainly because I'm not as good at grammar as I wish I was and didn't really know what I was talking about.
On Monday I valiantly struggled into work so I could have my interview. It went very well and my interview technique, which I will patent as the "what would Mrs Drunken Accomplice do?" technique, was quite successful. In the end I was their second choice which, dagnabbit, meant I still didn't get the job but my confidence is greatly improved. I then crawled home and spent most of the week curled up on the sofa. At least I got to see Toyboy a lot who is very proficient at hair stroking and being a human pillow, both of which are essential attributes for looking after me when I am poorly.
Eeshk, I write these gradually during the day and the end of the day came much quicker than expected today. I may, if I feel inclined, post again tomorrow. How exciting for you all.
On Monday I valiantly struggled into work so I could have my interview. It went very well and my interview technique, which I will patent as the "what would Mrs Drunken Accomplice do?" technique, was quite successful. In the end I was their second choice which, dagnabbit, meant I still didn't get the job but my confidence is greatly improved. I then crawled home and spent most of the week curled up on the sofa. At least I got to see Toyboy a lot who is very proficient at hair stroking and being a human pillow, both of which are essential attributes for looking after me when I am poorly.
Eeshk, I write these gradually during the day and the end of the day came much quicker than expected today. I may, if I feel inclined, post again tomorrow. How exciting for you all.
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