Starting to Focus

Although I say that, I had a remarkable lack of focus last night at rehearsal. I was doing really well, no giggling, no nothing, not even on the line that cracked me up last time we did the scene. Then, as I was doing some intense, lovelorn staring at McBride, I saw Beanie jump up in the corner of my eye as if suddenly remembering that he needed to be on and that was me done for about ten minutes. After trying to run it several times, we finally got through to the end of the scene, with me making strange wheezy, hysterical noises and trying not to cry with laughter. Then, as quickly as it had arrived, the corpsing stopped and I was on dry land again. It is such an odd phenomenon and hugely frustrating because, a lot of the time, the trigger is something not even faintly amusing and I don't even know why I keep laughing, but laugh I do and can't carry on sensibly until it's run its course. The worst one is still Dead Funny when we had our first custard pie rehearsal. I saw Big Blue get hit square on in the face with one, carried on for a bit and then just had to sit down and howl for a good five minutes. To be fair, though, with that one, seeing someone get hit with a custard pie is genuinely funny. As was smacking eggs on McBride's head in The Cripple of Inishmaan. Every so often I wish there were more instances when cracking eggs on someone is an acceptable thing to do. It's extremely satisfying.

I must admit that I do still want to find something to blame. Tiredness is always a good one as I am prone to hysteria when weary, and I do feel more than a little weary. I'll blame that.

But anyway, apart from the hysterics, it was a positive rehearsal last night. I am starting to feel that Anna is coming together. I've found my link with her; sarcasm as a defence mechanism. It's quite interesting because I've been consciously trying to stop myself from being overly derisive and sarcastic when on edge in recent years. It caused a lot of grief with the ex and it also made me feel extremely guilty when I'd lash out too quickly. Although it is still a weapon in my arsenal, I try not to let it be my first response. So, as Anna, I've got this immediate resource to draw on, in terms of lightning strike sarcasm and the insecurity that lives beneath it. It does imply a mere shell of confidence and I like that we have that in common. It makes her feel more like me and less like someone I'm intimidated by.

My Mum and Dad gave me some ideas to think about, which I have yet to implement. I tried yesterday but it didn't quite work so that's one to play about with a little bit more. I was quite amused that their consensus was that I am generally less good at playing normal people. I think my secret has to always be that, when tackling people who are normal, I have to drag them down to my level. Find their inner weirdo.

Now, if I could just conquer that giggling thing...