The only interest I got from being on match.com were two men in their fifties. In the two months that I belonged, I had 300-odd men take a look at my profile. And the only two men that expressed any interest were twenty years my senior.
It's quite a sobering moment. The point at which you realise that this is just not going to work. The point when you have to leave a dating website because it has managed to dent your soul.
For eharmony it was the moment when they matched me (scientifically!) with someone who was wrong for me in every way. I had even seen him earlier on a different site and had to share the link with friends to show them the most perfect example of a bad profile that I'd ever seen. Hey, I never said I was a nice person.
Now, in all fairness, it has not been all bad. I have had some nice experiences with the dating sites thing. However, every time I sign up to a site I feel hopeful for a few days and then my hope turns to naught. It's like being rejected every day and what makes it worse is that I am simultaneously rejecting others and often for the same spurious reasons that they are rejecting me. It just isn't good enough and I'm sick of feeling that I'm constantly failing.
Not that I have anything approaching a plan. It is well documented that I struggle with this. But I feel that I'm doing myself a favour by just resisting the lure of the dating sites. They promise to make the search easier but, for me at least, they make it more constant and less gratifying. They don't make me feel particularly good about myself.
So, at least until the next time it feels like a good idea, I am through. I am hoping that this decision lasts for a bit longer than it has before.
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