I'm fine.

A phrase which is fast becoming a reflex response to anything that anyone asks me. Sometimes I totally mean it, sometimes it's just easier to say than "oh dear God, what the fuck is happening?" before running away and crying.

I keep getting lost in my own head. It's like being underwater - colour and sound and touch are still there but they're slower and make less impact. Every so often, a look or a note of concern will pick me up with the current and I'll be swept along in the sea of it but I'm trying not to let this happen. It isn't about me.

So, for now, I'm fine. Sometimes I'm lying, sometimes I'm not.