Introducing...

Hey world, it's been some time. I am slack. The reasons for this are twofold:

1) I have less to complain about
2) I am waiting for something which I am scared to talk about on the basis that if I do, it will not happen.

However, I would still like to touch base and say hello. Therefore, you will get an update based on the fact that I am actually happy, although I am fairly sure that I am far more entertaining when soul-gazing in a complain-y sort of way. And a fudge of not-quite news and abstract hints. Sound good? Excellent.

So, the happiness thing. What's that about, eh? Well, I'm going out with someone I really like. Really, really like. It didn't start off particularly hopefully: When he'd first come to live down South because of his sister, my friend Robin, I had found him somewhat odd. He seemed extremely serious and sensible, as well as bizarrely competitive. Then time passed and I got to know him a little better and he started to relax and stopped being quite so serious and uptight and I realised that messing with him was fun. I found that it was possible to distract him from being quite so sensible by sending him into a mild paddy. I didn't really think for a moment that I was flirting. I mean, he’s younger than me and I've done the younger man thing and, really, it would never work and even though I might find him a little bit attractive with his face and his height and his lovely old-fashioned nature and WHO IS THAT GIRL? Oh, it's fine, it's not his girlfriend, not that I would care anyway because obviously I didn't fancy him at all because it would never work and what was I even thinking, well, not about anything like that, don't be daft, that never even entered my mind… I was in denial, I freely admit it. It was never really that serious and even if I did entertain the notion, I had crushes on several people during that time. I mean; see a great number of my previous posts.

The next thing that happened was that I tried to sort my brain out. I was tired of obsessing about people I couldn't have and doing the same thing over and over, living the same mistakes which just led to me still being alone. And the brain-sorting exercise helped, despite me thinking that my brain was possibly beyond help. I tried to be more open to life and tried to stop obsessing. This new mindset coincided with a play that I was in with an extremely nice, tall, young man and Kathryn, friend and mentalist. During the run up to the play, I had mentioned to Kathryn that I found said young man somewhat attractive. She then proceeded to make sure that we talked to each other and used an upcoming event to ensure that I had a reason to email and get his number. Despite all this, it wasn't until the morning after the last night party when he, and his delightful brother, made bacon sandwiches for two hungover women at his mansion after a night of chatting, crying and glass-breaking that I realised how sad I'd be at not seeing him every evening. I finally admitted it to myself; I really liked him.

Quick note: He doesn't actually own a mansion. This is a private joke that I just re-read and realised it sounded like I was won over by his riches and large house. I'm not that shallow, honest. Although with my track record, the fact that he has a job is a big win.

Then I asked him out. I make it sound like this was an easy thing to do. To be honest, it wasn't as difficult as I thought it might be. It took a while and there were a couple of occasions when I nearly gave up before I’d even begun, wailing "He couldn't be less interested if he tried" at Kathryn when she asked for updates. But eventually I got up the nerve to ask him for a coffee (I don't drink coffee but it’s the only beverage that doesn’t sound ridiculous when you ask someone out) and he said yes. We didn't stop talking for three hours at which point the previously mentioned delightful brother phoned to find out where on earth he was and he had to go. There was then a hilarious interlude where I realised I’d lost my purse the night before but that’s unrelated. When I’m drunk I am both idiotic and incredibly lucky.

 It is always a bit risky writing something (especially several paragraphs' worth) about anything like this as there is no guarantee that it will last. My relationship history is a pretty good indication of the impermanence of romantic entanglements.

And yet. Given that I write endlessly about the bad and sad stuff on here, it seemed only fair that I report on some of the good stuff too. It may be silly of me but I felt like you might like to hear it.

Since that first beverage, we have spent a lot of time together. A fair amount of that was due to the panto that we were both in at the end of the year. Let me tell you that being a lady in the early stages of getting together with someone and trying to be attractive while simultaneously having to be a male panto villian With A Beard is very, very confusing. It isn't something that I can imagine popping up very often in life but, rest assured: Confusing.

I feel like all the things I found odd about him before are all things that I admire about him now. He stops to help people when there's an accident (I didn't find this odd. This is amazing. Although there was one story from a social evening at Kathryn's when there'd been a car fire on the green outside her house and he just happened to have a fluorescent jacket and went and cordoned it off. Now, I don't know about you but there are very few people that I've ever met who carry a fluorescent jacket). He is fearless about talking to people. He loves science and maths and tries to explain these things to me. Sometimes he tells wonderful and beautiful stories and sometimes, through no fault of his, I glaze over. He calls it my TCP:IP face from when he tried to explain the internet. He is so clever and so good and sensible about things I'm daft about. It feels like a good thing and, even though it's early days, asking Thomas out for a coffee feels like one of my better decisions.

As to the other thing, the fudgey, not-quite-news thing. It is cracking on a-pace. Life is starting to happen to me and although I fear change (I'm uniformly waking at two or three in the morning in a mild panic), I am welcoming it in. I don't feel even slightly in control of my own life at the moment but I am making things happen. And as my extremely long blog post will attest to, that can occasionally be an extremely good thing.