Flats, Cats and Pirates

Big Blue and I went to the flat last night, armed with tape measures and our Mums. We were met by a rather flustered agent outside trying to warn us before we got there as the previous tenants had literally only just given the keys back and the agent had come in to find it a bit of a state. On our previous visit, we saw the potential for a good flat but the guys living there obviously weren't that house proud, and we were a bit shy to open things in case we found a huge stash of porn, say. Big Blue had the memorable experience of spinning away from a glass tank filled with potential spiders* only to be confronted by a very large pair of boobs on another wall. So I can't say that we were particularly surprised by the state. I was quite surprised at their priorities though, they'd taken all of their posters but left clothes, shoes, a bed and dining room table and chairs. And a slice of pizza on the kitchen counter. Fortunately, though, I think this created quite a positive united front, particularly with Big Blue's Mum who so far has been wary of the whole expedition (I'm sure she'd lose all of her concerns completely were we to get a tumble dryer, although she ain't winning that particular battle). We were all tutting gaily at the state of it and we refused to go back into the master bedroom after nearly losing shoes to the sticky floor (gish) so fun was had by all.

I do have concerns about the flat because I am a born worrier. Other people have always been the major problem in my previous flat experience. Particularly the flat MuleBoy and I rented which had a steadily escalating noise problem with the tenants above. The first people merely walked loudly. The second person had an array of instruments, none of which he could play well (I must admit I used to find it quite funny as he used to play Strangers in the Night and could never, never reach the top note and there would always, always be a pause before he attempted it and failed. It was very Father Ted) and all of which he would play first thing on a Saturday morning. Unbelievably he was topped by the people that followed, who swiftly became our nemesis, nemesisses, nemesees... anyway. An Asian couple who had huge groups over every night for dinner, which would begin when I was going to bed. They managed to be very noisy when it was just the two of them as well; her voice gave me the shivers. There was also the fact that MuleBoy couldn't cope at all and became incredibly angry. I'd managed to live with it and zoned out a lot of the noise but MuleBoy would rail at me for not joining him in being incredibly angry. When I'd actually succeeded in getting to sleep, say, that got rather wearing.

I'm also concerned about the cats. Big Blue, bless her socks, is putting up with the cats coming back to live with me despite being allergic but I'm worried that it may not work out. Also, they're going from living in houses to living in a flat with no enclosed garden, so is it fair on them to give them less space to play in?

I guess my last worry is just about learning to look after myself again - food, money, bills, chores etc. MuleBoy did almost all the chores when we lived together and I barely do very much at all at Mum and Dad's. I've just relied on the fact that with both, I've been in full time work where they haven't and could lean on them heavily in that respect. With Big Blue's proper important job, with added minion, I don't think that's something I can get away with, which means rotas and schedules and things.

On the plus side, we are planning to have a pirate housewarming party. I think about that and all my fears go out the window. Phew.

*It was a tortoise but it could well have BEEN a spider

Time Waits for Norman

Random title, I know, guess the reference. Challenge of the week.

This week is kind of a big deal for me, although I've been keeping it a bit quiet, unusually. Perhaps because it shouldn't be, or because it really isn't in everyone else's life. But it's been a year since the structures of my adult life were removed and I was sent crashing to the ground. I've been thinking through, day by day, what was happening this time last year. Today was the first day of the break. I remember the mundanities - separating the CDs and DVDs, ringing the wedding dress shop to cancel my fitting, ringing my parents, packing a suitcase - but it gets harder and harder to remember exactly how I felt. I remember crying endlessly, being so shocked and upset at one stage that I hyperventilated, sleeping for about 15 hours a day as emotional exhaustion hit me, but not how it felt to be there at that exact time. Although that must be a form of preservation, if I were able to recreate that feeling any time then I would never really grow away from it, however useful misery on tap would be for an actor.

It's been a strange year, all told. I have rediscovered myself, however stupid that may sound. MuleBoy and I had a conversation not too long before we broke up about how we'd changed each other. He was proud that he felt I'd changed a lot, becoming more cynical and negative where he had remained the same. That conversation made me really sad. For a start that he didn't feel I had had any effect on him at all after six years and also that he was so proud of what was a pretty depressing achievement on his part. I guess this year has been about me throwing off the shackles of MuleBoy's negativity and getting back to positive, optimistic Kitten. Obviously I am not the same as I was, for a start I'm 28 not 21 and I understand that things like growing older can impact on one's world view, but I feel more like myself now than I have for a really long time.

And today is a good day. I am meeting up with my soon-to-be-housemate, Big Blue, for an excited chat and giggle about our new place and after that I'll be seeing my new boyfriend, who shall be known henceforth as ToyBoy. Although I will remember 17th July as the day that something ended, it feels also like the day when something else began.